turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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