I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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