I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
