Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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