If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
