I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
