Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
