never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
