I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
