ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
