I'm jealous of your bromance
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
