don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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