What a fucking waste of an outfit
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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