I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
