Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
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