I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
