census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
