i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
