do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
