I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
This is the high leading the old right now
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
