Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
