Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
