but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
