Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
