The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
