Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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