Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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