yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
