Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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