please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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