I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
