he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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