11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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