I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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