like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
