So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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