You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
