dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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