Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
