she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
