Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My vagina is officially offended.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
