last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
