I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
