I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
