I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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