You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
