just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
