I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
