I CAN MOONWALK!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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