We won't sleep together?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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