my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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