u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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