I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
